When Big Feelings Happen: Supporting Emotional Regulation in Young Children
All children experience big emotions - but for some, those feelings can quickly lead to overwhelm, shutdowns, or meltdowns. Big emotions are more common in neurodivergent children because of challenges with executive function, sensory processing, communication and so on. These moments of emotional dysregulation aren't “bad behaviour”! They’re signals that a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed - and that they need our help to return to calm.
What is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the ability to feel, understand, and respond to emotions in ways that don’t overwhelm your system. It helps us stay within our window of tolerance - the zone where we can think, connect, and engage. This skill develops over time (well into early adulthood!) and always begins with support. That support is called co-regulation—when a caring adult helps a child return to feeling calm and safe. As we like to say, when a child’s storm meets an adult’s calm - that’s co-regulation.
During a child’s ‘emotional storm’
Create a safe, quiet space (remove unsafe items, reduce sensory input).
Ensure that you regulate yourself.
Gently validate: “You really wanted that,” or “This feels hard.”
Offer calming tools and support: fidgets, rhythmic movement, soft blankets, water, deep breathing etc.
After the storm: reconnect and reflect
After your child has returned to calm, discuss the ‘emotional storm’ together: What happened? What helped? What can we do next time? This supports trust and new strategies. It’s also a great time to talk with your child about safety and boundaries. For example, if they hit or threw something during the ‘storm’, we can discuss that it’s ok and natural to feel upset and angry, but it’s not ok to throw or hit.
Helpful Resources
🧸 William Ready & Kaiko Fidgets – sensory tools
If your child’s dysregulation is intense, prolonged, or affecting daily life (for example, 90 minute meltdowns or multiple meltdowns each day), it might be time to seek some support. You don’t have to do it alone and our team are more than happy to help - send us an email if you have any questions.